best viewed with a honest heart
The death of a legend
On the morning of the 8th of April 1994 the body of Kurt Cobain was discovered at his luxurious Seattle home, by an electrician due to fit a new sercurety system. The world was shocked. On the announcement of his death traffic stood still all over Seattle for hours and people were in disbelief all over the globe. The media in the western world went into overdrive as more and more facts and evidence about the suposed suiside poured onto our screens in the days that followed. Here is a quoted broadcast from CNN world news on april 9th 94.
"The music world stood still today, in disbelief, as news of the horrific death of rock star Kurt Cobain eco'd around the world. The 27 year old front man of the band Nirvana was discovered dead yesterday at his luxurious Seattle residence, after a self inflicted gun wound to the head. Cobains wife Courtney Love, who is currently in Paris, is said to be devistated at the news of her husbands death."
An electrician was preparing the house, to install a new sercurety system after Courtney had said that the home was not secure enough for her young daughter. About mid-way in his preperations he came to the garage. When he tryed to enter the door, even with the key it was blocked from behind. When he walked around the back of the garage to the small room above it he could see into the room though the french doors which had also been baricaded from the inside. On the floor in the centre of the room he could see a male body laying in a pool of semi dry blood with a 12 gage shot-gun laying on the chest. His first susspitions were that he was looking at the body of Kurt Cobain who he was aware owned the house. He then notified the police of his horrific discovery.
The first assumtion taken by the police at the scene was that the death was clearly a suiside and all the imidiate evidence pointed in that direction. Kurt was laying on his back with the shot-gun on top of his body. The but of the gun was between his ankles and the snub just above his belt. It was clear from the extent of his head traumer that the gun had been placed in the mouth and fired upward. The body had been laying undetected for at 4 days. Next to the body lay a wooden box containing several burnt spoons, pieces of tar and needles. On the neer side table lay a note. Although all seemed in it's place, and, the events that had taken place only a few days before seemed clear in the mind of the law officials, there were several things which did not add up.
The day before the body was discovered, on the 7th, a private detective, who had been hired a week earlier by Courtney Love, to keep tracks on Kurt, was trying to find him, after he found out Kurt fleed the clinic in califonia on the 2nd. He contacted Dillon, Kurt's best friend and together they searched the Seattle home. However, they failed to check the appartment above the garage where his body lay undetected.
The note that Kurt Wrote moments before his death clearly portrayed his feelings, and, is and always will be a testimony to his thoughts at time of his death. Readding the note for the first time was a very emotional moment for me. Many people say that the note was tampered with and the last 4 lines were added by someone else. There is no mention of death or suiside in the note and many believe that this note was not a suiside note at all, that i was a note annoucing that Kurt was leaving Nirvana. Which is likley. I have gone to alot of trouble to get a copy of the real thing on this page, but i feel everybody should be able to read it and form there own conclusions.
Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complain-ee. This note should be pretty easy to understand.
All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years, since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community had proven to be very true. I haven't felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guilty beyond words about these things.
For example, when we're backstage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowds begin, it doesn't affect me the way in which it did for Freddie Mercury, who seemed to love, relish in the love and adoration from the crowd which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can't fool you, any one of you. It simply isn't fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100% fun.
Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on stage. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and I do, God, believe me I do, but it's not enough). I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. It must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're gone. I'm too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasms I once had as a child.
On our last 3 tours, I've had a much better appreciation for all the people I've known personally, and as fans of our music, but I still can't get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There's good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too sad. The sad little, sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man. Why don't you just enjoy it? I don't know!
I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what I used to be, full of love and joy, kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I can't stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker that I've become.
I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful, but since the age of seven, I've become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along that have empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much, I guess.
Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I'm too much of an erratic, moody baby! I don't have the passion anymore, and so remember, it's better to burn out than to fade away.
Peace, love, empathy,
Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your altar. Please keep going Courtney, for Frances. For her life, which will be so much happier without me.
I love you, I love you!
The note is addressed to Boddah. Boddah was Kurts only true friend and was always there when he needed him. When Kurt was young Boddah was his imaginary friend but as he grew older he knew Boddah as his soul, a vision of this perfect person, a model for how everybody should be. I think this is how Kurt invisioned the interaction with his own mind. Boddah was the only person he could ever count on, after so many others had hurt him. I think he felt guilty and that he had let himself down.
To read my conclusion to the whole
story follow the link to "The conclusion". Or go back
to the main page and follow the link to
"All" the evidence" and see the official police dept documentation, homacide reports, shot-gun reciepts and statement on Courtney.
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